"If our hearts are ready for anything, we can open to inevitable losses, and to the depths of our sorrow. We can grieve our lost loves, our lost youth, our lost health, our lost capacities. This is part of our humanness, part of the expression of our love for life."-Tara Brach
It is time to talk about something everyone experiences multiple times in life that nobody wants to talk about or face: death. Loss takes many forms: the loss of a relationship, job, house, money, person, identity, ideal, experience, age, season, etc. If you've experienced loss and are looking to reconcile it, this blog is for you.
The energy of death has been encircling me lately, this energy has inspired both a spiritual reflection, and deeper dive. There have been friends and clients dealing with big loss and death themes lately. Pluto, the planet of epic transformation, death and renewal is beginning its 2021 retrograde. This means that we are reviewing the themes from March of 2020 again and tabulating our wisdom. You would know that this energy is arriving at your doorstep if:
a theme from one year ago has come back with added layers
you have experienced a sudden loss or change in an important life area
you are forced to let go of something you've been avoiding
something or someone has abruptly left or entered your life
some BIG hidden fear you have has resurfaced
you've outgrown something or someone
a transition you've anticipated has come with twists and turn
new ways of being/acting/choosing are no longer optional, they are required
Sound familiar? I can feel these vibrations deep in my soul, I know them well. I should share that I have a North Node in the 8th House in Leo. For those new to astrology, the North Node is the aim or reach we grow into usually on the other side of 30, it's our aim and growth power. It represents where we're headed in purpose and karmic opportunity. The 8th House is ruled by Scorpio/Pluto and holds the intensity of life, death, sex, surrender/control themes, and deep transformation, among others. Leo represents the stage, leadership, performer energetic. It would make sense then that I am living in alignment with deep transformational themes, drawing clients seeking healing here, and teaching this on a public platform at this season of life. And so, I'd like to expose a little vulnerability and share about my experience with loss in hopes it inspires you to dance with it in a new way.
Last year I had an unexpected miscarriage that rocked my world and brought me to the confusing, painful doorstep of death. I prayed to that soul and God that if it was in divine harmony, I would summon the courage and surpass the fear to open the door for my baby to return. And as it were, she jumped back in earth side at her first opportunity. Wren Valyrkie Rasa made her debut in March in the same spirit of mystery and transformation that began her journey (much to my surprise, the epic fear of loss was not over, but just beginning). My baby girl was born in a fast, life and death emergency C-section scenario. I didn't hear her cry for 7 minutes after they cut her out and she needed aspiration of blood and meconium from her lungs. I heard the doctor's saying how lucky she was, that if she were born 30 minutes later, she wouldn't have made it. If that trauma wasn't enough, I later learned that my girl has a congenital heart issue that may require open-heart surgery in the future. The feelings that emerged in these recent moments created a familiar, washing of heaviness, a Pluto or 8th House feeling. A feeling I know and can access well. It's the place I go to with clients when they are in deep pain when I hold sacred space for release, love and divinity to enter. This time, now more than ever, I had to invite that nurturance into my own heart, for me.
I'm certain that my baby girl is here to teach profound Pluto themes herself, she of course has a Pisces Sun in the 8th house, Scorpio Moon, with a Leo Ascendant. There's nothing scarier than to swallow the possibility of life's shadow potential...death, fear, anger, hatred, loss and similar energies, and yet stand firm and faithful in facing them. It's a skill of mastery: to hold in balance the human experience alongside spiritual faith. It's a type of imperfect weaving and dancing of density and lightness. I marvel at clients working on this and admire the human spirit as it sorts through identity in loss. In coping with these feelings myself, while familiar, I admit that my initial reaction was to scramble away. Yet I felt pinned to my place in history like someone (maybe Pluto?) sat me back in the chair to face the screen I didn't want to watch. I couldn't control, predict, or avoid the story or the outcome, I HAD to be there to observe whatever hand life dealt, and continues to deal. This sitting forced me to feel deeply, and work with it. I first emoted, then I numbed, and then I eventually sat in the silence in sacred presence with the heaviness. I am still sitting with it.
In my work within the Akasha I know that coping with death and loss are a rite of passage as a human. We earn our spiritual badges by experiencing these things. They bring us to an understanding of the fragility of life; not so we can alienate ourselves more from love or faith, but rather to dive deeper into gratitude and the preciousness of life. The Akasha says that nothing opens the heart and spirit more than loss. We are reminded that we are here with end dates, but we are not helpless in our power and how we spend our time. Bernie Siegal says "An awareness of one's mortality can lead you to wake up and live an authentic, meaningful life." I agree. The colors are brighter, the air smells sweeter, and the music is sharper when you realize how precious and temporary it is.
And while some of us might pretend that this type of change happens to other people, it never does. We are all facing uncertain futures with transition, transformation, loss and deaths of all kind. We spend so much time worrying about, avoiding, or denying that this occurs until one day, it does, and we are beside ourselves not knowing how to survive. I wrote a previous post about finding the gratitude in change and you can read that HERE. However this blog is about the process of BE-ing with transition and loss and the tools that I've discovered that help the most.
And they are...
Allow yourself to feel. Without having to be perfect or fit into whatever box you or others expect, just be authentic and express yourself. When I first learned of my Wren's health condition, I think I sat on the couch for a week in shock, talking and crying in a circular, non-logical way just letting out the energy and letting the waves move.
Don't reject what is happening. Denial isn't a good look nor does it help you process feelings. Stuffed emotions go nowhere but inside, seething and boiling, dragging down your mental and physical health. Rejection of the experience sounds like "this shouldn't be happening to me." While at first this may be part of your emotional release, know, KNOW, that deep down you are meant to be here. That ALL in your life is happening as it should. Breathe, just keep breathing when rejection arises.
Surround yourself with really good people. The kind of people who allow you to show up authentically as you are, who don't judge you, tell you what to do, or project their own feelings of discomfort at grief onto you. The kind of people who will say, "I love you, I'm here, I'm not leaving, you can be and feel whatever you need to."
Don't question the universe. Sometimes we can bargain with God. It sounds like, If, when, why, how, what about this or that in exchange for... This bargaining takes you out of the present moment, out of the feelings, out of the support around you, and into an illusionary space where no answers exist, just painful questions. When you catch yourself asking the questions, pause, and try this instead "I have so many questions, teach me to surrender to them until the answers are revealed."
Use prayer. I find that when I struggle with questions I can't answer, am overwhelmed with emotion, or am desperate to discover the purpose in pain I don't yet have access to, I turn to prayer. My best prayer is this: God, I surrender, deeply, I surrender" There have been many sleepless nights where I lay as still as possible in my bed, unclenched in all my bones, and recite this over and over again. I focus on my body becoming a physical representation of my emotional and spiritual will to surrender. Try this and other prayers that bring you comfort.
My prayer became: "May I find peace... May I love this life no matter what.' I was seeking an inner refuge, an experience of presence and wholeness that could carry me through whatever losses might come." -Tara Brach
Be a student. Mastery comes with training and if you are a light worker, way shower, or teacher on the spiritual path, be ready for twists and turns. Choosing an attitude of reflection, observation and study have helped me tremendously. This is when you cocoon and go quiet. In these moments I don't teach, I just sit and calibrate. It is true that in these moments the layers of the energy body need support in aligning with new behaviors, thoughts and frequencies. Be still and be a student of it. You don't even need to know where you're headed. In fact, count on not knowing. Your willingness to be present is all that is necessary to get you there safely and successfully.
Reach. When you are ready, reach out to nourishing resources, practices and people. Do the next right thing to inch you closer to how you want to feel. Notice what would feel comforting and seek that out. For me, information and structure feel safe so I tend to go into researching and planning mode and that is comforting. I also find mantra and chanting music very helpful because it gives my craving mind something to hold onto other than fear. Reach for comfort, help, resources, peace, love and anything that brings you a sense of expansion.
Don't define. When in pain and especially in transition, we seek definition, structure, clarity and reason. It's just what the mind does as a way to grip to something, anything, that makes sense. The mind cannot handle not having an answer to support the bleeding heart so it races nonstop. I recommend not forcing a bookend or rationale. If you can allow the universe to shift, move, shape and change you will naturally find yourself at a new destination eventually. Imagine a wave, let yourself go with the current willingly. Your job isn't to fight or prevent the waves, your job is to float and surrender to them and be led. Resistance can prevent healing and no one wants to be stuck in immovable pain.
Trust. As difficult as this one is, I invite you to seek trust everywhere you look. Perhaps you can trust yourself, your lover, friend, family member, or higher power. Look everywhere for trust. Even when you feel lost to trust anything or anyone, the challenge is to still seek it like an adventurer. In low motivation moments, discover the steadiness of the sun rising everyday, the grass growing, the birds chirping, the leaves falling, the wind blowing. Trust that the universe is moving, changing and evolving and that all living things adapt. Trust that inherent adaptation, for it is in you as well.
I leave you with hope, strength and conviction in whatever transition or loss you are facing this season of life. If you are not in one right now, you can count on being in one in the near future. Your courage in gently and bravely expanding into the possibility now, will arm you in the future to handle it with grace. I firmly believe that we can eradicate fear on the planet if we can bring love and acceptance to our pain. This miracle only happens however, when we each take accountability for how we cope with our losses.
I invite you to take a deep breath and be in agreement with the truth, sacredness of loss, the lessons of Pluto, and the spiritual awakening that is waiting for you.
"The great gift of a spiritual path is coming to trust that you can find a way to true refuge. You realize that you can start right where you are, in the midst of your life, and find peace in any circumstance. Even at those moments when the ground shakes terribly beneath you—when there’s a loss that will alter your life forever—you can still trust that you will find your way home. This is possible because you’ve touched the timeless love and awareness that are intrinsic to who you are." -Tara Brach
*If you want to learn more about my work, check out my website www.rasahealingservices.comor join my free social educational platform The Rasa Healing Network HERE. Follow me @RasaHealing on IG and Facebook.